Things My Mother Taught Me

My Mother taught me LOGIC...

"Because I said so, that's why."

My Mother taught me MEDICINE...

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT...

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE...

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL...

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My Mother taught me INTUITION...

"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"

My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE...

"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"

My Mother taught me HUMOR...

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

My mother taught me RELIGION....

"You better pray that stain will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about my ROOTS...

"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY... 

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't exaggerate!!!"

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS....

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

My mother taught me IRONY.... 

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about!"

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION...

"Just wait until your father gets home."

My mother taught me about STAMINA....

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

My mother taught me about JUSTICE...

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU... then you'll see what it's like."

And she thought no one was listening!