The Elephant

Did you know that an elephant can live for up to 65 years?

The Elephant Rope

As a man was passing the elephants, he suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break
away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.
He saw a trainer nearby and asked why these animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. “Well,” the trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”
The man was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn’t, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?

Moral: Failure is a part of learning. We should never give up the struggle in life. You Fail not because you are destined to fail, but because there are lessons which you need to learn as you move on with your life.

Easter bunny

Well where is the Easter bunny then?

Two Wolves

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people during their lives.

He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside of us all.  One is Evil --  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good --  It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Whale Tale

TRUE STORY...

In a large city in France, a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern...

Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans). They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales. They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.  They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia.  Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.  They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.  They are loved, protected and admired by almost everyone in the world.

Mermaids, on the other hand, do not exist.  If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis.  Fish or human?  They don't have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex?  Just look at them... where is IT?  Therefore, they don't have kids either.  Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me:  I want to be a whale.

P.S. We are in an age when media puts into our heads the idea that only skinny people are beautiful, but I prefer to enjoy an ice cream with my kids, a good dinner with a man who makes me shiver, and a piece of chocolate with my friends.  With time, we gain weight because we accumulate so much information and wisdom in our heads that when there is no more room, it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.

So, we aren't heavy, we are enormously cultured, educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my butt in the mirror I will think, "Good grief, look how smart I am!"

It is not how much we have,

but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.

Tea time!

Tea time 

Have a good week

Happy Monday

If you want a stable friendship,

get a horse.

I'm shy

Don't look at me

Have a cheerful Wednesday

Have a cheerful Wednesday

Monday again

Monday again! Have a good week.

Oh no! Not another joke!

A rich man was trying to find his daughter a birthday gift when he saw a poor man with a beautiful white horse.  He told the man that he would give him $500 for the horse.

The poor man replied, "I don't know mister, it don't look so good," and walked away.

The next day the rich man came back and offered the poor man $1000 for the horse.

The poor man said, "I don't know mister, it don't look so good."

On the third day the rich man offered the poor man $2000 for the horse, and said he wouldn't take no for an answer.  The poor man agreed, and the rich man took the horse home.

The rich man's daughter loved her present.  She climbed onto the horse, then galloped right into a tree.

The rich man rushed back over to the poor man's house, demanding an explanation for the horse's blindness.

The poor man replied, "I told you... it don't look so good."

You're giving me a headache

You're giving me a headache.

No more pics!

No more pics!! I'm having a bad hair day.

Oh heck

Oh heck, I'm going to pay for this later........

Have a fab Friday

Have a fab Friday

Lesson of the snake

A man was in his cabin in the middle of a terrible snow storm when he heard a feeble scratching at his door.

He opened it to see a half frozen rattle snake on his doorstep begging to be let in from the bitter cold.

The man said to the snake, “I’m not going to let you in! You’re a rattle snake and you’re going to bite me!”

“No I won’t,” hissed the snake. “Just bring me in and get me warm and I’ll be your friend for life.”

Well, the man let the snake come in and even allowed it to rest upon his chest by the fire to get warm.

When the snake was completely comfortable it bit the man on the neck.

As he was dying, the man said, “but you promised you wouldn’t bite me and would be my friend for life.”

The snake calmly replied... “but you knew I was a snake when you let me in.”

A man and his dog

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead. He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them. After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of the long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight. When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother of pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at the desk to one side. When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?" "This is Heaven, sir," the man answered. "Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked. "Of course, sir. Come right in and I'll have some ice water brought right up."The man gestured, and the gate began to open. "Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in too?" the traveler asked. "I'm sorry sir, but we don't accept pets." The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog. After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road which led through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence. As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book. "Excuse me!" he called to the reader. "Do you have any water?" "Yeah, sure. There's a pump over there." The man pointed to a place that couldn't be seen from outside the gate. "Come on in." "How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog. "There should be a bowl by the pump." They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it. The traveler filled the bowl and took a long drink himself. Then he gave some to the dog. When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree waiting for them. "What do you call this place?" the traveler asked. "This is Heaven," was the answer. "Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The man down the road said that was Heaven too." "Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's Hell." "Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?" "No. I can see how you might think so, but we're just happy that they screen out the folks who'll leave their best friends behind." 

A good mother is like a quilt

A good mother is like a quilt: she keeps her children warm and doesn't smother them.